You’re “Accepted”, How Does It Feel To Beat Out All Those Applicants?

College Acceptance LetterWhen we first get to high school, it’s terrifying. We have not a clue of what to expect and since we are a freshman, there is a big, fat, neon red target painted on our backs. We reside at the very bottom of the totem pole. There are a lot of firsts when we get to high school. Our first date, our first kiss, our first time (If all of this happened for you before high school, you’re in the “fast lane” and should get a handle on your genitals before they get you in trouble…LOL).

The other stuff that comes along in high school is academia-based. Trying to get good grades, trying to get high marks on your homework, trying to pass every exam, trying to ace your SAT test, and then, decide what college or university we are going to apply to. FML. This is what God’s highest creation has been reduced to…a non-questioning, non-thinking, directionless disciple of the system. It’s the corridor most of us have been forced through under the delusion that we’ll have a better life.

Life In The Pressure Cooker

Tell me if you or someone you know has done this or is doing this right now: Studying like a Harvard professor with a PhD, cramming information in their brains like a fat kid stuffs white chocolate macadamia nut cookies into his face, stressing to the point where you experience crippling migraine headaches, preying to almighty God that you get accepted to ONE of the 25 universities you applied to, and worrying about how you’ll pay for it all when you finally get there. F***! That’s a lot of stress to put on yourself. I don’t recall any Olympic athletes who put this kind of pressure on themselves and they perform on the world stage! Here you are developing a nice ulcer freaking out about getting an “education”.

The education we received in college is nothing more than a commoditized set of structured information. When the stuff you learn in college is turned into a commodity, it loses it’s worth. It’s just like Cinnamon Toasters (fake Cinnamon Toast Crunch) on the shelf at the grocery store. Anyone with $2.48 can go to the local market or gas station to pick up a box of this sugary goodness, thus, the box of cereal really has no value. If anyone can get it, it’s not worth having. Well you might be thinking: Everyone can’t get into college. They have to pass entrance tests, have the minimum GPA, and must have done some community service work.

Enter The Truth

Going To CollegeWe all have this naive belief that colleges are taking into consideration all of these academic requirements, social clubs, grades of every stage of our lives, and pre-college courses. Ladies and gentlemen, we don’t live in the 1960’s anymore. No one gives one f*** that we were in the Beta Club. We can dissect our fat, sweet, juicy watermelon on our Who’s Who certificate, no one’s going to look at it. Our high school diploma is on par (in the eyes of the university) with a GED. They get into college to, you know.

I hate to be the one to ship the bad news to you (who the f*** am I kidding, I LOVE IT!), but anyone with a good enough credit score can get into college. Since college students usually don’t have any credit, that includes almost everyone who applies. Watching the news, seeing what’s been going on around us in our academic school system should have uncovered for you that college is a business. The aim of a business is to make money. Do we believe a university gives a damn about your GPA, when they bring in millions of dollars per year. The only reason you’ll get turned away is if classroom space is at a premium or your check bounced. Other than that, we’re in. I see it over and over again. The exams are a fallacy to make us jump through a hoop that’s actually sitting on the floor. No need to jump.

When we are “accepted”, it just indicates that our background check came back clean and our auto-draft payments have been set up successfully! It has nothing to do with grades, GPA’s, graduation rates, placement rates (if you saw these, you wouldn’t be in college), SAT scores, or helping out homeless people in our spare time. This is a convincing topical facade. To the outside world, the criteria to enter college appears to be a stringent set rule standards that have to be aspired to. In reality, it’s bullsh** to cover the fact you can get into college by applying for a few credit cards, paying them off, and sending in an application. When a faulty member stands up at a meeting to try to convince administrators by saying, “This kid will never make it. He’s just not college material”. The administrators will say, “Everyone deserves a chance”. Noble, but bullsh**.

The real intent behind retention (keeping students in school) is to keep collecting there money. We don’t have to come up with big down payments. We don’t have to have any money in our checking accounts at all. All loans are supplied by the government. They are federal, meaning you can never get rid of them by any other means but paying them off. Initially, bankruptcy could wipe a student loan from your credit history. No longer the case. All that’s required to attend college is a pulse and willingness to come to class every once in a while to show we are still an “attending student”.

If you’re reading this and believe it to be BS, read someone else’s blog. I’m on the inside (as a college instructor). I know all the tricks, all the in’s and out’s. All the dirt. Some people are bent on the media always being right. I know they’re not.

Mystery Man


Professor X

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