Your Boss Doesn’t Care About Your Degree, Shhhhhhh

Don’t even give me that! I know all of us have thought about it. Tell me you haven’t. That deviant thought at the back of your brain you gave life to when you were a senior in high school. We had to be careful about it though, because Mom and Dad would kill us if they ever found out we even tried such a thing. All the paychecks, all the paid time off, all the medical benefits…gone. If our employers were to ever find out the truth, it’s lights out for us. So instead of performing this exciting yet unacceptable act, we go to college. We’ll pay 15 grand a year to avoid a thought.

The Thought

Lied On Your ResumeThe sneaky little scheme we all cooked up in our brains was going to the nearest stationary store and BUYING a college degree instead of going to college to “earn” one. How would they know? They’d call the number I gave them and all the references I supplied were all my friends anyway. It’s a perfect plan. It’s got to work. It has to work. (Why do I sound like Ralphey from ‘A Christman Story’?)┬áBesides, I’d be saving Mom and Dad a boat-load of cash.

When you’re young, you actually think you can get away with sh** like this, but after listening to a few adults, we soon find out that it’s not going to be the “cake walk” we actually thought it would be. They don’t use the phone numbers we give. They subscribe to a list of colleges and universities with their addresses and phone numbers, along with all the pertinent people to talk to. If we lie, we’ll be found out. It just come down to how lazy the HR department is and how quickly they work.

If human resources is on the ball, you won’t even make it past the probation period. If they are “lax” in their positions, it’s much, much worse. See you get hired, start working for a while, the paychecks start coming, your benefits are in place, and you’ve got paid time off to use “just in case” (babies sick, court dates, you’ve declared your own sex day…that kinda sh**). Once the incompetent “agents of the system” finally start doing their jobs, you’re f****ed!

The controlling entities of this world want to teach us this lesson: If you lie, cheat, borrow, steal without permission…you will be punished severely.

Slapped In The F***in’ Face

Bored College StudentHere comes the kicker. We work (at minimum) 4 years of your life away studying all hours of the night sacrificing our much needed sleep, drink Starbucks like we founded the f***ing place, take classes that have nothing to do with our major, listen to professors lecture on lifeless material which is word-for-word from your textbook, neglect our close friends who are going through the same thing, all so we can obtain a cheap ass, fancy-looking piece of paper with a 2-cent ribbon wrapped around it. FML.

We have carried out a useless mission to the deepest measure all to find out that our future boss will look at it ONCE, then file it away for the rest of eternity…or until we get canned. Which ever comes first. Are you f***ing serious? We are going to college for this? We wasted the 4 greatest years of our lives to get a 1.5% raise for the next 4 decades? For the math impaired, often it’s less than a dollar per pay period.

Let me stop writing. I’m sure by now, you’re depressed. Allow me one last point. Through all the stuff mentioned above, you may have missed one SUPER OBVIOUS point…we have a choice! There is no gun to our heads (I know Mom and Dad’s looks and reactions can be pretty lethal) and no one (not even Mom and Dad) can make us go. It’s still up to me. Some of us think, “If I go to college, Mom and Dad will kick me out of their house”. No they won’t…if they love anyway. They want what’s best for us. As much we’d like to think Mom and Dad will string us up from the nearest light fixture, I’m sure they’d have no problem taking your college fund giving you half and taking the other half to buy a time share and travel the world.

Most of the situations we are afraid to face are only insurmountable because we’ve built up the beastly thoughts so grandiose in our minds. The sooner we realize none of these scary thoughts about our situation will kill us, the sooner you can begin to really live. Think about it…seriously.

Exercise: Go to karaoke this weekend and be the first one to sign up. Pick the song you’ve been practicing in the shower for 3 years, and go after it with all you’ve got. It will physically and mentally teach you the lesson above. All the throat-tightening nerves and sweaty palms dissipate after the first ten seconds. When you reach the chorus, you should be in full-on ecstasy! Try it…this weekend.


Mystery Man

Professor X

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