There’s No Job Waiting On You

Job LineBreak out that beautiful, new suit for that first interview. Now that we’ve got that illusive (and expensive) college degree, it’s time to get out into the “real world” to begin making money. Yes! If you had this epiphany before you went to college, cudos! A few know early on college is not in the cards for them. They were smart or lucky, but better off in any case. For most of us, we are forced through the higher ranks of the conformation machine. What I forgot to mention previously about that suit is it’s black, easily flammable, and is only presentable for a few days.

It’s not for an interview…it’s for a funeral. Yours.

See It Before It Comes

I guess I’ll let you in on a little secret. I’m a college instructor at a medical college who is about to leave the ranks of the “employed”. My mother can’t see how I’ll make a living without a job and benefits.¬†She still chimes in with phrases like, “How are you going to pay your bills without a job?”, “You better keep those benefits, when you get sick or hurt, you’re going to need it”, “You need to make them increase your hours so you can afford a nicer place!”. This goes on and on when I visit home. It’s the very reason I moved thousands of miles away to reside in the baron desert.

I know she means well. Mom and Dad only wants what’s best for their son. It’s sweet, but a noose none the less. If you’ve heard these things, you know you start rolling your eyes (internally) as soon as you hear the advice coming. Resist the urge to listen. Only you know what works for you, and you should listen to no one else. Remember: Everything you do is correct. If it hurts, embarrasses, annoys, discomforts you, it’s right. No matter what. It’s right.

Bait and Switch

Homeless manOnce you get out into the job market (saying the word makes me want to vomit), we believe there are a pile of warm jobs sitting in a warehouse under the major we undertook at university. We think the choices are infinite and somehow, we are the only ones who will apply for the position. It’s just perfect for us. Naive thought killer: Dump the word perfect from your vocabulary. It makes us afraid to try for fear of making a mistake that could be life-threatening. You want to fail, it builds character. Furthermore, almost all mistakes you make in this life are non-fatal. Get your ass in gear!

Bluntly, there are no jobs waiting for you. The pools of “art history jobs” you think are right for you are being applied for and filled by the previous 100 groups of students who followed your same path. Think of all the universities and college who are pumping out students. The very institution who wants you to be successful is relentlessly pumping tons of graduates into the working-world system to compete with you. How many thousands (and millions) of students graduated with your major before you?

You may just find with the over-abundance of “talent” in the job pool, finding a job will be exponentially more difficult. If you don’t believe, ask someone with a 4-year degree why the f*** they are working at McDonald’s.

Another factor to consider, jobs are torture chambers. Do this: Instead of interviewing for a job, interview some of the people who have the job you want. It’ll revolutionize your life in…oh…about…30 minutes. The truth is 98% of people don’t want to work a job, let alone for 40 years. Do you? Does that sound appealing? If it does, you are reading the wrong man’s stuff. The Monster Jobs Blog is more suited to you. You can compare your useless resumes, see how many other poor bastards are begging for the same position as you, and even peep what your salary will be for the next 4 decades of your being.

I’m Only Trying To Help

I know it’s harsh but I care not! Telling you what to do with your life is not my intent. It’s yours, do with it what you will. I’m only supplying information to let you know what is actually happening. Your beliefs are shaped by your parents, who have been through this f***ed up system. What else are they going to tell you, “Don’t be like us, we got duped”. No! They are going to say what they’ve been trained to say, “Get good grades, work hard, get a good job, buy a house, and have kids”. The very sh** that will place you into all the trappings of life.

Do your research and you’ll find a MAJORITY of the workforce nowadays is working in a field outside their major. How does that master’s degree help you mix a Caffe Latte at Starbucks?

Mystery Man


Professor X

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