Most College Kids Are Paranoid Schizophrenics

Oh, you guys. You two are so nice. The both of you make the cutest couple. What? How’s that? You’re not a couple? Oh, I’m sorry! There’s only one of you. I must have been confused by the two faces. LOL It’s amazing the amount of manicuring we do to our personalities so they’ll fit a certain situation. If we were to take a look at how our “friends” act during the week, then saw them out on the weekend, we’d be in complete horror of the acts of this familiar stranger. As if we didn’t know, college kids are masters of the two-face.

Most College Kids Are Paranoid Schizophrenics

Two FacesThis doesn’t require a wordy explanation because you already have a frame of reference. Most fresh meat entering the college dorms are already masters of lying to our parents. So when Mom and Dad are 2000 miles away and have no say over your life anymore, the world just expanded to unimaginable lengths. In our heads we’re thinking…where is the nearest liquor store, when is the next party, who am I going to f*ck first, where’s the stoner guy so I can try a little somethin’?

Yet this face immediately dissolves when the parents call. “Hello son. How are you managing up there all alone”, they ask. Then we come back with our meek response, “It’s hard, but I’m adjusting. Thank you, Mom and Dad, for believing in me and giving me a chance to do this.” The parents respond, “It’s our pleasure son. Keep up the good work, and we’ll let you get back to studying. Talk to you next week.” You click back over to your friends on conference, “Now what was that fine b*tch’s name again?” Jekyll and Hyde sh*t if I’ve ever seen it.

It’s seems a little drastic to parents, but the college students (liars in training) know what I’m talking about. It’s no wonder us humans lie to ourselves (and others) about everything, not to mention Mom and dear old Dad. We lie about the raise we got. We tell our co-workers we got a dollar more an hour, when it was actually 19 cents. Idiot, they don’t give out $1-an-hour raises on a $10-dollar-an-hour job. The deal we got that saved us $5000 on our new car wasn’t a deal at all. We actually got ripped off. We tell our family how we talked back to the head physician when they asked us to file some patient records, “I told him that’s NOT my job and I’m not doing it…PERIOD!” When actually we were on our hands and knees all afternoon filing charts at record speed. Our trail of lies from college makes it that much easier to fib in the future.

Finally, we even lie to ourselves about being happy. Did we really want to get married or is that just what we saw Mom and Dad do? Do we really love our job or is that just a mask to cover the silent desperation we’re experiencing? Do we really love our wife/husband or are you lying in bed next to a stranger who barely kisses us? Are our children really first in our lives or do we wish with a passion that we’d never had any (not to say you don’t love them)? Be honest with yourself. You’ve only got one “go round” on this big, blue, spinning ball.

Mystery Man

Professor X


Leave a Reply