5 Reasons To Dismember Your Job and Bury It In Your Backyard

Bored Students

Whether you work a 9-to-5 or a 5-to-9, I’m going to guess you don’t want to do that for the rest of your life. Have you made peace with your soul that you are going to do this mind-numbing work until you are 65 (75 is the projected retirement age now)? If you have, great. However, a word seems to be creeping into my head, it’s rattling around in there over and over again, and finally…oh…INSANITY.

No, I’m not talking about Shaun T and how to get ripped abs in 60 days. I am talking about getting the hell of dodge. If you don’t know what that means, Dodge City was the setting of innumerable Wild-West movies and books. Most prominently, the CBS-TV series “Gunsmoke”, which ran from 1955 to 1975. After outlaws were defeated, they’d stereotypically be ordered to “get the hell out of Dodge.” It means leave or die!

The Act

Michael MyersDon’t let anyone close to you know about it, not even your wife. Don’t tell your friends, family, spouse, children, or your nosy neighbor. Don’t even hint toward it in conversation. They will have no idea what you’ve done. The unthinkable act you are about to perform. First, you have to bash it over the head with a heavy lead pipe, then strangle it mercilessly with a vetted steel cord. After it’s unconscious, torture it! Rip out it’s fingernails one by one. Cut it’s Achilles tendon and let it’s intestines fall out with a quick swipe of the knife through the abdominal wall. It’s time for the coup de gras. Take your 12-inch blade and severe the head cleanly. It’s over and time to dispose of the body. After you dump all the parts into an acid bath, roll in out into the backyard and dump it into the 10-foot hole you have prepared.

Five Reasons

If you thought I was talking about a person, you’re sick! I was talking about your job. Here are five reasons why you might want to perform such a gruesome execution…

1. Your job abuses you. If you like to be abused, there are any number of dominatrix that will stomp you with their stilettos. For you ladies, there are also gigolos waiting to tie you up in their closet and do naughty things to you. Don’t let people abuse YOU for a tiny paycheck.

2. You are paid too little for what you do. If you work 50 to 100 hours per week for $300 to $400, you’re in the field of slave labor. Save and leave. You cannot (and I don’t think you want to) keep this up for 40 years without walking into your job and shooting everyone several times. Perform a public service and quit. Your co-workers will thank you for it…maybe even follow you!

3. You never get to take a vacation. All work and no play makes Jack a f***ing psycho! Look, if you want to go off on your family every time you walk in your front door, keep working non-stop. If you want migraine headaches that throb and pulse to the point that you are incapable of functioning, keep working non-stop. If you want your headstone to read your name and the dates you lived and nothing else, keep working non-stop.

4. Your family doesn’t know you due to your work hours. Missing the young years of your kids lives due to work is a poor excuse. If you are going to do this, work for 6 months to a year building your own company or project. After this initial period (if you did it right), you’ll have the rest of your life to enjoy your children. If not, you can work 40 years and hope your children remember you after you finally have time once  you retire.

5. At this rate, you won’t be able to retire until you’re 90 years old. All forms of government-run assistance and payments will be gone in 5 years. Medicare, Medicaid, pensions, retirement funds will all be dried up in 5 years. If it’s time for you to retire, get out now! Like they said in the Old West, “Get while the gettin’s good”. If you are young, you’re f***ed on the traditional plans. You have to create something that brings you money whether you sleep, work, or go on vacation. Let it go. You are holding the hand of a sex offender.


You have choices. I beg you to exercise them. Here are a few to get your mind going…

1. MLM – [Last resort] Most millionaires are involved in this industry. The biggest benefit is residual income. You could learn this business in about 2 weeks. This business model is only worth it IF you have a large follwoing OR you have access to a large group of people. Otherwise, there is a very high level of rejection and your “warm list” will NOT make you rich!

2. Real Estate – Big money, low learning curve, but difficult to avoid legal issues with the law IF you don’t know them. Well worth the time and effort to learn. If you are a fast learner, you could be savvy in a few months.

3. Selling Your Own Products – You have to create the products, which costs money. If you are not great on camera or at speaking, it’s hard to get people to buy. Not all that hard to do, but creating products is time intensive. Make sure to find your market first, then devise a killer message involving you and your story, then test it free (or with little money). Never spend big cash on advertising without testing small first.

4. Become an Affiliate – You market someone else’s product without having to buy inventory, and when you make a sale, you are paid a commission. It’s easy to do, fun, and hands-off. The problem is the barrier of entry. It’s so low, you have tons of competition. Be certain to capture email addresses of people you are referring. If you create your own product, you’ll have a ton of people who know you to buy it.

5. Inventions – You need backers, meaning lots of money. You could license your idea but for a small royalty. Patents, tooling, packaging, marketing, customer education all costs money. This is an expensive route. If you can make it work though, you could become very rich.

All of the above depend on your effort, drive, and willingness to follow through. No one will snatch you out of your everyday hell…YOU HAVE TO DO IT! Get out and realize how good your life can be on the other side.

Mystery Man


Professor X

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